


For the rest of my life and yours.

by Luminouswriter



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Best Friends to Lovers, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Football player Bellamy Blake, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, lawyer clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:49:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29680758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luminouswriter/pseuds/Luminouswriter
Summary: Bellamy Blake has been in love with his best friend Clarke Griffin for as long as he can remember.He has also been writing letters, telling her how he feels for the longest time but he never sent them, they were his way of staying sane. Days before her wedding he decides to write a final letter but it accidentally finds it's way into her hands on the day of her wedding.******I should have told you I was in love with you when I caught myself hanging on to every word you spoke.I should have told you I was in love with you when in every crowded room my eyes searched for yours.I should have told you I was in love with you when I found myself making a playlist of every song that reminded me of you.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 25
Kudos: 67





	For the rest of my life and yours.

"Don’t fall in love with your best friend, your heart can’t take the loss” Aurora always said to Bellamy. She knew this because Bellamy’s father was her best friend and when everything went to shit and he left, Aurora always said that pain is too Poignant to forget.

And now here he is, completely and utterly in love with his best friend Clarke Griffin, and he is about to lose her to someone else, forever.

Bellamy knew the exact moment he fell in love with Clarke, granted he was just twelve years old when he knew. He and his six-year-old sister had just moved in with his uncle Kane when he was playing in the backyard, throwing his basketball around when a wave of blond curly hair caught his attention through the neighbor’s window, as he moved closer he remembers how his heart stuttered at how cute she was in her pink dress with a tiara on her head, a wand in hand as she set up a wedding between her two teddy bears with other stuffed animals in attendance. Bellamy remembers smiling so wide and a flow of warmth washed over him, he was happy. It had been months since he was purely happy since his mother died.

That’s how the Bellamy and Clarke show started, she saw him and for a second he thought she would come to the window and tell him to leave but she ran out of her house, grabbed his hand and rushed him inside her house informing her dad who was seated by the armchair reading a newspaper that she had made a new friend and he was going to be in her room and that they’ll need some snacks. Bellamy was waiting for a scolding that never came, rather her father smiles at her and told them that he would be up with some snacks soon. It was clear to him that his new crush got whatever she wanted.

Heading upstairs her room was everything he expected it to look like, a princess’s room. Flowers painted on the wall, her rainbow blanket, it all looked like it was straight out of a Disney princess movie. He remembers barely listening to what she was saying, all he could do was stare at her, her eyes reminded him of the ocean or the color of his new bedroom wall, there were so big and mesmerizing.

He had a lot of opportunities to tell Clarke how he felt but he was always held back by his own heart. He knew the type of partner Clarke wanted and that wasn’t him, she wanted to get married and have the white picket fence type of life and he always felt like he wasn’t enough to provide that for her. His heart was too scared to believe he could ever be the man she wanted. 

That didn’t stop him from being completely plunged in her world. Getting close with Clarke he realized she was one of the most down to earth people he had ever met, and supported him in ways he didn’t see coming. Bellamy is really good at football so good that he made a career from it and his biggest fan was Clarke, from when he was just a rookie, to when He made captain and now as as he plays in the biggest stadiums. He always goes back to this particular moment during one of his most intense and life altering games of the season, he had recruiters coming to see him and hopefully offer him a scholarship, so he was nervous as fuck, even though Clarke assured him that there was no reason to be nervous.

“You’re amazing” she said, stepping closer to him outside the auditorium her flowery scent enveloping him, she stared up at him with a smile and he gazed down at her his features soft, he couldn’t help it. “They’ll see how special you are, like I do superstar,” she said softly. His heart beating fast against his chest, yearning for her lips and touch that had just became a norm. In moments like this when she eased his nerves, and saw him as special, called him superstar because she had no doubt that he would make it out there, he wanted to shout it from the rooftop that he was in love with her.

She shouted his name during half time from the bleachers and when he turned she had a huge grin on her face, she turned her back to him and on her favorite tie and dye shirt she had painted his name on the top and on the lower part, and his number twenty-three. She turned back and waved at him and he just remembers putting his hand on his chest and mouthing thank you. he had tears in his eyes, his heart in his throat and all he wanted was to charge up to her and collide his lips with hers.

After the game it was late, they headed to a diner and that’s where he almost kissed her, and it seemed like she wanted to kiss him too, but a bunch of their classmates came and disrupted their moment, cheering Bellamy’s name because he won them the game. She went outside the diner chasing Atom who was making kissing faces at them, clearly he had caught their little moment, as Bellamy leaned his back on the booth he peered at Clarke through the huge glass windows, she smiled at him and shrugged.

During their many years as best friends there were chances that he let get away, now she’s engaged as he feels like someone has physically reached inside of his chest and ripped out his heart.

They did almost everything together, sure along the way they made other friends that became a part of their duo, but there was always Bellamy and Clarke, that never changed. When she was heartbroken or missing her mom, he is who she came to, sometimes he had to go to her because she has a tendency of holding things in, one of the things they had in common that he didn’t like.

He was in love with how smart and firery she was. When she said she wanted to work for a none profit to help kids in the system he had no doubt in his mind she would do it and he was right.

She would curl up to his side and they would watch Love Rosie for the millionth time, happy or sad that was her go to movie. He couldn’t help but be in awe whenever she recited the lines from the movie especially the indirect love confession scene, Clarke would clutch her chest, small smile playing on her lips her eyes beaming and all Bellamy could do is stare as she mouthed the words along and for that very reason it became his favorite movie too.

Things like forehead kisses, holding hands, sharing the same bed, them heading out to their favorite spot in the fields that glowed yellow like Clarke’s hair and watching their sun set, or gazing up at the stars as they laid down behind his pick-up truck was normal, but he still never told her how he felt. His dad leaving and Aurora’s eventually being distant before her death left Bellamy feeling like Clarke deserved better than him. Kane was more than Bellamy expected, he showed him fatherly love but a small part of him felt that maybe he would leave her too, but he knew he loved Clarke too much to ever do that.

It’s too late now, in just a few days she’ll be walking down the aisle and he will be losing her forever. Bellamy made sure to arrive just days before the wedding and not weeks before like his other friends.

He’s sitting on the little dining table in the corner at Kane’s house, downing his fourth glass of whisky, his mind is an emotional minefield that’d hard to navigate so he decided to let it all out, he can’t tell Clarke how he feels now, but he can write it down. That always worked for him, he has dozens of letters addressed to Clarke that he wrote and never mailed tucked in the back of his closet back home in Sanctum.

“Wouldn’t it just be easier to drink from the bottle” Miller scoffs as he shrugs on his coat.

Bellamy ignores that comment as he stands taking a pen and paper from the coffee table, and like he always does he finds an envelope and addresses it to Clarke. He huffs out a painful sigh in hopes the weight on his heart may lessen but it doesn’t, he takes his sit, his paper and pen in front of him when Miller sits across from him and he can’t meet his gaze, they’ve had this conversation more times than he would’ve liked.

There’s a beat of silence and even though he hasn’t written anything yet, his gaze is fixed to the plain paper in front him, maybe if he doesn’t acknowledge Miller’s presence he’ll go away. He won’t.

He hears Miller scoff again “Or you can put the fucking whiskey away and tell her how you feel,” he taunts.

_Tell her how you feel?_ These words force him to meet Millers stare. He runs a frigid hand through his curls grabbing at them exasperatingly “Tell her how I feel?” he says startlingly “You do realize that she’s about to get…Married” his words are bitter. “Tell me how that will work?”

Miller leans in his sit “So what? You’re going to be miserable for ever and write letters as your way of coping that you can’t be with the love of your life?” he aches his brow.

Bellamy lets out a humorless chuckle, his tongue darting between his lips “I shouldn’t have told you,” he shakes his head.

“Why not? Because I push you to tell Clarke how you feel? I’m just being a friend man.”

“Can you just…not, when it comes to this,” his voice is so pained he barely recognizes it, there is silence for a few seconds before Bellamy adds “I’ve lost her, I waited too long and I… I lost her. She’s my best friend, she’s wanted this perfect wedding to the perfect person…I’m not going to take that away from her.”

Miller gives him an understanding nod as he stands, he puts his hand on Bellamy’s squeezing it a little “Are you sure I can’t convince you to come out with us tonight?”

Bellamy tilts his neck to look up at Miller “I’m good here, thanks.”

A sympathetic smile slips on Millers lips giving Bellamy’s shoulder one last squeeze and he heads out.

This feels like the right moment for this, Clarke just made junior partner at her firm and he just played the best game of his life, she always told him he would be superstar and here he is under contract with the NFL. She’s about to get married and well, he may eventually find someone he is only twenty-six, but it has to start with letting Clarke go first. Moments later Bellamy decides to brace himself and write the letter, he also decides that this is his last later, a final goodbye, he can’t pine forever.

_Dear Clarke,_

_Falling in love with you was inevitable, since the first time I saw you in that pink dress, with that tiara resting on top of your blond curls, with that sparkly wand that you used to officiate the wedding between your two teddy bears I knew you were the one. You looked happy and content._

_I know we were only twelve years old, but my heart found its final piece the moment I laid eyes on you, princess._

_I should have told you I was in love with you when I caught myself hanging on to every word you spoke._

_I should have told you I was in love with you when in every crowded room my eyes searched for yours._

_I should have told you I was in love with you when I found myself making a playlist of every song that reminded me of you._

_I should have told you I was in love with you when my heart stuttered every time you touched me, when your hand traced across my face because you said my freckles reminded you of the stars._

_I should have told you I was in love with you when you acted jealous, which I found extremely cute but I also always talked myself out of thinking you would ever be interested in being more that we are._

_I go jealous of your every relationship, because I wanted to be the one to kiss you goodnight, I wanted to be the one holding your hand and telling the world that you are the woman I am in love with._

_I found a home in your voice, in your care, in your embrace. You ignited a fire inside of me that is all consuming. My heart will always burn for yours, but I have to let you go now._

_You will forever hold the important pages of my heart. You deserve every ounce of happiness, and the perfect family you have always wanted and it seems like you’re going to get that._

_But always remember, no matter where you are, or what you’re doing or who you’re with I’ll always, honest, truly, completely love you._

_Love,_

_Bellamy Blake, your superstar._

Bellamy stares at his words on the letter, words that he wishes he could say to her but never will. He hurriedly folds the letter and placing it in the envelope when he hears a soft knock on the door. He places the letter in a bowl by the door that holds Kane’s mail setting a mental reminder to take the letter out of there. He wipes the tears from his face that he didn’t even know were there. He runs a hand through his hair trying to calm himself.

When he swings the door open his breath catches as he sees Clarke draw in a breath “Are you mad at me?” she immediately asks her voice is small and croaky, her arms are wrapped around herself clutching the sides of the turquois hoodie, it’s his hoodie that she loved so much. He always found an excuse to get it back since the day he gave it to her when she was cold as they walked home from a party under starry nights.

Bellamy rushes out the door not tearing his gaze from her bloodshot eyes “Of course not, why would you think that?”

“You’ve barely spoken to me.”

“Clarke, he sighs pulling her to him and she wraps her hands around his waist “I’m sorry, I was just giving you space” he mumbles through her hair.

She pulls back but not unwrapping her arms around him “Why would you do that? You left without saying goodbye today.”

Fuck. How does he tell her that being at that dinner was so painful, like walking on shards of glass? He couldn’t watch everyone congratulate the woman he loves on finding the perfect partner, he had to watch Cillian kiss her, hold her hand, his hand on the small of her back as people fawned over them, he tried but he couldn’t be there anymore. As he stared at her across the room, he kept telling himself that she didn’t have that glow in her eyes, that she seemed tense the way she got when she wasn’t sure about something or hiding something. But he scolded himself, told himself that he was seeing what he wanted to see. He went to their favorite diner growing up where he ordered coffee which he ended up spiking with whisky from his flask. Anything to drown the ache in his chest.

All these years he should have mastered being this close to her and not feeling a thing, all he has to do is dip his head slightly and his lips would be on hers. But right now he can’t help but feel like an asshole for keeping his distance, he should have known she would feel like she was at fault “It’s just that I wanted to give you time with your bride’s maids, your dad,” he clears his throat clenching his jaw but wills his features to remain soft “And Cillian.”

Clarke stares through her eyelashes, he wants to look away, it hurts too much but he can’t, he has to convince her that nothing is wrong “I wanted to spend the day with my best friend too”

He tucks a hair behind her ear, the other hand remaining around her “Tell you what, if you’re not busy how about we watch Love, Rosie before you’re hitched” he smirks at her.

She smiles “Yeah?”

He nods, “Yeah, Kane won’t be back tonight apparently he has a lady friend now… O is out with Miller catching up with some people and her showing off her girlfriend Luna…” a voice in his head tells him that she has Cillian to go back to “I understand if you and Cillian have plans, I know it’s going be a busy…”

“He’s not going to be around tonight.”

“Okay” he smiles “let’s do it then.”

Bellamy could barely fall asleep, he and Clarke have slept in the same bed before, and it’s not the first time they’ve fallen asleep all tangled up in front of the TV. But this is probably the last time this is going to happen. When Clarke’s relationship with Cillian got serious there was a shift in their relationship. He couldn’t just reach out and touch her, and he remembers she had a fight with Cillian about how Clarke was too dependent on Bellamy, about why she needed Bellamy more than she needed him. Bellamy was outside Clarke’s apartment that night, she didn’t know he was coming over which was normal to them, but he saw how she changed with him the following morning and he knew why.

After watching Love Rosie, he put on chopped which was one of their favorite food shows to watch, she drifted off to sleep in his arms and he wanted to soak up every minute of her so close to him. Before she drifted off to sleep, she told him she needed him and that she will always need him.

****

It’s two days later when Bellamy remembers that he didn’t put the letter away somewhere safe. “Hey uncle Kane, I uh had a letter in your pile” Bellamy points to the bowl on the table from the kitchen where he stands.

Kane emerges from his room shrugging on his navy suit jacket that match his pants “No, you should ask Octavia, she usually feels the need to move things around whenever she’s back.”

Bellamy’s worry doesn’t ease. He is riddled with anxiety today, not only because of the letter but because he has to sit back with a smile on his face and watch the love his life get married to someone else.

Miller enters the kitchen pausing in front of Bellamy with a sympathetic expression “Are you ready?”

Bellamy only shakes his head and plops on one of the stools by the island clasping his hands as they rest on his laps “I can’t do this” his voice breaks.

He sees Kane and Miller share a look before he steps closer to Bellamy clasping his hand on his shoulder, a comforting touch “You’ll be okay son, I’ll be outside waiting” he says giving Miller another knowing look.

When Kane is gone, Miller sits in the stool next to Bellamy facing him. He sighs “She’s your best friend, you have to be there.”

“I can’t” a sob escapes his lips “I just can’t. I should’ve told her…I should have,” he croaks staring at his hands.

“I know” Miller says lowly his hand resting Bellamy’s shoulder “Maybe it’s too late now but…you know if you aren’t there, it will break her.”

He slowly tilts his head up; he can barely contain the piercing pain in his chest “If I’m there… it will break me.”

Miller draws in a breath, his eyes glistering with tears “Tell you what brother, just…show up. Let her see you then you can leave before the ceremony even begins… I’ll cover for you…okay?”

Bellamy manages a nod as tears stream down his cheeks, Miller plops off the stool hugging Bellamy.

~~~~~~~~

This doesn’t feel right. This isn’t how she expected to feel on her wedding day, maybe it’s just nerves, but why does she feel like she’s about to make biggest mistake of her life?

Clarke has dreamt of this moment, this day her entire life and up until she was 12, she only ever imagined who she would be getting married to but as soon as she saw the dark curly haired boy outside the window, his face is all she saw whenever she imagined her wedding.

When she ran outside to get a better look at him, his bronze skin, dark floppy curls, brown eyes, he reminded her of a painting and later that day after their play date she did just that, paint him. She wasn’t shy to give it to him the following day, and it always brought a smile to her face that he kept sticking it on the wall in his room.

As she stands in her room in her simple laced wedding dress, watching through the blinds as guests arrive, the only thing on her mind is Bellamy. She finds it a little pathetic that after all these years her heart has refused to completely give itself to anyone but Bellamy Blake. And he doesn’t even know it.

When he stepped into her room just a few minutes ago, she caught her breath. She knows Bellamy, that is why she could tell even though he tried to hide that there was something wrong. When he silently strode to where she stood, his hand cradling her jaw telling she made the most beautiful bride there was something familiar in his eyes that she has never been able dissect, she leaned into his touch and thanked him but all she wanted was unburden her heart and tell him this didn’t feel right, that she loved Cillian but he is who her heart was carved for.

Growing up with Bellamy was kind of confusing, sometimes she would catch him staring, she’s sure she never imagined that he got jealous whenever she was interested in someone but he also never said anything and he always made comments about how he never really sees himself having a big happy family. Granted he usually made those comments out of anger steaming from pent-up feelings of abandonment from his parents leaving him and his sister, and sometimes he would look at her in the softest way with sincerity in his eyes and voice and tell her how he imagines himself in a beautiful neighborhood or farm somewhere with his kids running around but only with the right person. She always thought wondered if he would think she was the right person.

Despite her mom leaving, something she had in common with Bellamy. But unlike him that did not put a stain on her beliefs and wanting a family of her own, she knew he was scared but he has the biggest heart out of everyone she knows. Just like she believes she will one day do right by her kids and partner, she also believes Bellamy would be nothing but the most amazing parent. She wishes that for him even if it’s not him she’ll be sharing that life with.

Clarke hates this feeling and the settling reality that Bellamy won’t be her go to person anymore, he can’t. Of course he will always be her best friend, but she won’t be going to him to feel safe, she won’t look forward to cuddling up with him and reeling into the feeling of having his body against hers, always wanting more than his fingers stroking her face or trailing down her arms as they watched a movie.

She has always been in awe of how smart he is, yeah he was a jock, captain of the basketball team so people didn’t expect him be at the top of his class either. She always loved going by the shallow valley, their spot, whenever the sun was about to give way to the moon the fields would turn bronze matching Bellamy eyes. She loved lying in his truck as he read Ozma of Oz, Odyssey, Illiad, Mythos or any of the many books he never gets tired reading. He would always find a quote he loved in the book, turn to her and say it to her, and Clarke would always sink. He said so tenderly and with so much meaning she always felt like crumbling in his stare.

Being around Bellamy was also hard, physically. He’s tall and being under his gaze peering down at her like he saw right through her soul wasn’t easy. Watching during basketball practice without his shirt and all she can concentrate on was how his muscles moved and sweat glistered against his skin, the veins in his arms and neck always made her clench her legs together. It wasn’t particularly easy to hear how good he was in bed from the girls in her Class, it was never ending torture. The only girl Bellamy got serious with was Gina but that for some reason ended.

Clarke shakes her head trying to rid her mind of her best friend, Cillian is her future, she needs to pay attention to that in just minutes she’ll be married and her feelings for Bellamy will have to dispel for good. She needs a distraction, there’s some mail on her dresser, maybe some last minute well wishes on her big day she never got to read. She steps away from the window and walks over to the dresser.

A pool of nerves surges through her when she sees a letter from Bellamy addressed to her, she almost doesn’t open it, but she knows with the wedding and reception it will be a chaotic few hours, so she has to know the content of the envelop so she swiftly opens the envelop and unfolds the letter.

Her heart is beating erratically against her lungs, throat sandpaper dry, the piercing pain that’s shooting through her entire body is too hard to with stand. As more tears streamed down her face, knees give out and she is falling to her knees her eyes still sweeping the letter. He loved her, he has been in love for years and never said anything until the very last moment. I have to let you go now, those are the words that hurt the most.

She can’t navigate through her emotions; all she knows is that there is anger there. How could he tell her everything she has always wanted to hear and cowardly never said to her on the day of her wedding? And guilt, she feels so guilty because she feels some relief that she won’t have to marry Cillian. He is a great guy, but he isn’t Bellamy. She pushes herself off the ground, she doesn’t care if there is makeup running down her face, she tries to draw in whatever air that can reach her lungs, her head is spinning and pounding in her eyes but she doesn’t care, she needs to see Bellamy now, she doesn’t even know what the outcome will be or what outcome she wants there to be, she doesn’t want to hurt Cillian or disappoint her father or any of their guests but she has to see Bellamy.

She picks her phone off her bed, dialing his number but it keeps going to voicemail. She texts him but no answer so she decides to try Miller, they have to be together. The phone rings and he picks up, she sighs in relief but she feels anything but relief right now “where’s Bellamy?”

There is silence at the other end of the line for a few seconds “Clarke I don’t think…”

She doesn’t wait for him to finish “Miller just tell him…” she sobs “Tell him I need him.”

“Okay okay okay…just… give me a second” he says and the line dies. A few minutes pass as Clarke paces her room, when there is a knock at the door she freezes. It’s in this moment when things feel too real, too broken, too complicated, when the door swings open she expected Bellamy but Miller is the one peeking his head in with a fallen face. He looks behind as he steps into the room, then closes the door leaning against it. His eyes immediately dart he letter in her hand “Fuck” he mutters slightly banging his head on the door “Clarke” he says cautiously.

“Where is he?”

Miller only shakes his head.

“Miller, please” she says her voice breaking. She can feel herself shivering “I need him.”

He sighs striding towards her. “How did you get that?” he asks gesturing to the letter in her hands.

She looks at the letter then at him “It was just…here…where is he?” she tries again.

“Gone.”

Clarkes face scrunched in pain letting out another sob “Where, just…tell me and I’ll…I’ll go to him…please.”

Miller brings his hands to either side of Clarke arms “this letter, I don’t think he is the one that sent it, but either way I’ve read about a dozen letters from him to you that he never got to send, that he would never send” he says stepping a little closer his face sympathetic but hardened. “You now know how he feels, but unless you feel the same way…You can’t go after him. He would do anything for you, you know that, but he couldn’t watch you marry someone else today…just give him space”

Clarke shakes her head slightly gazing up at him “I love him Miller, I do” these are her truest words. She wants him, to tell him that there is still a chance for them. She just wants him and she’ll deal with the casualties later. 

A small smile creeps up on Millers lips “At your favorite diner, Murphy is driving down in an hour to drive him back.”

She knows where she is, her head is spinning about how get out of here, leave all this behind, she’s looking at Miller desperately “I…okay…”

“Go…I’ll talk to your dad; we’ll take care of everything here” he squeezes her arm.

She knows how to get out of here without being seen, she heads to the garage taking her father’s rover.

~~~~~~~

Bellamy’s tucked away in the corner of the booth doing what he does best, drink his sorrows away. This pain in his chest is crippling, he just wants to get shit faced to the point he can’t even remember his own name. and he is going to do just that in about forty minutes. Murphy is the perfect person to get drunk with. They’ll drive out of town and find some place to get drunk at, and hopefully find someone to get under or on top of, he doesn’t care, he just needs someone. He can’t have who he needs but he can find someone else to take her place for the night.

He can’t get her face out of his mind, Clarke is a timeless beauty but today, in that dress, her hair pulled a back like that he swears his heart has never yearned for her more. As she gazed up at him with those beautiful crystal blue eyes, soft smile on her pink lips all he wishes was he was the one lucky enough to marry her.

Bellamy peers at the half empty mug cup on the table, he laced it with some whisky but he doesn’t think it’s that strong that he is hallucinating Clarke emerging from the parking lot. When he darts his eye back at the huge glass window, the image of his best friend is closer this time and he is sure she’s real. He can’t move, he just takes her in, mascara running down her face, her hair loosened, cascading down her shoulders, still in her wedding dress and she has a paper folded in her hand. The shock starts wearing off so he runs outside.

There is a fear crawling up his chest, he stands just a few feet from her, not daring to get any closer. Clarke holds up the paper in her hand and the remnants of his heart crumble to the ground “You…you felt like this all these years and you didn’t tell me?” she croaks. He has always hated seeing Clark cry or in any kind of pain, right now hurts more because he is the cause of her tears.

“How did you…”

“Does it fucking matter?” she cries, exasperated.

He tries to swallow the lump in his throat. This moment right here is the moment he has feared all these years. It’s either he walks away with the love of his life or lose her forever and he has had a crippling feeling it’s the latter.

“I didn’t send that letter… you have to believe me Clarke.”

She draws in a breath “So you were just… not going to tell me...Ever?

He shouldn’t feel angry, he knows that. But this is something they could’ve done after she came back from her honeymoon, she didn’t have to leave her wedding just to call him out on his feelings for her “Why are you here Clarke?”

“Why I’m I…” her face twists in confused her eyes narrowed “How was I supposed to go through my wedding today knowing you felt like this?” she yells heatedly “Huh…tell me?”

Bellamy surges closer, so close he can feel her heavy breaths on his face “If it doesn’t change anything for you then you shouldn’t be here.”

Silence settles between them, she’s staring up at him with an emotion he can’t read, or he doesn’t want to allow himself to read into. He has played with the fire of false hope before; he isn’t about to let himself go through it again. Their breaths are heavy, everything unspoken still lingering in the air. Clarke breaks from the stare first, dropping her head down with a shake, she holds on to his arm, her eyes still on his chest “It changes everything,” she whispers.

“Clarke” he says her name softly placing a finger under her chin tilting her head so she looks up at him.

“I’ve only wanted to hear this words…” she takes her hand with the later holding to his chest and on extinct Bellamy puts his arm on hers, she doesn’t let go of the letter so it can rest in his hand and he doesn’t take his hand off of hers “For the last decade.”

There is a weight lifted on his chest, and it feels like the pieces of his heart are being pulled from the ground and mending themselves together “Clarke I don’t understa–”

He is cut off with Clarke tiptoeing and crushing her lips to his. The kiss says everything he wanted to hear. He drops his hand from hers and wraps it around her waist lifting her slightly. She grabs on to him, holding on tightly.

*****

This is his reality, Clarke reaching for his face and kissing him, holding her hand and bring it to his lips to express his undying love for her. After the diner they drove to their spot in the valley, this is their moment.

She has her head rested on his shoulder as they sit under the only tree in this field. He shouldn’t say anything, but he has to, if they are going to do this, she has to know. “My mom…” he says and she laces her finger with his on her lap “She always said, never fall in love with your best friend, your heart can’t take the loss… she,” he huffs out a breath “She was right. I always feared that you didn’t feel the same way but…” his heart breaks with this next part, this is fear that has coiled up inside of him and made a home in his head. Clarke tilts her head to look at him “I was afraid you would leave me…and that I’m just like my parents and I’d hurt you” he says his voiced laced with shame.

“Bellamy…”

“I know it’s stupid.”

“No it’s not…”

“My dad left, and then my mom and that…her leaving, it’s something I’ve never been able to shake but you…losing you when you realize I’m not what you want…how do I survive that?”

“Baby…” she says softly, angling her body so she’s fully facing him, and he does the same. “You are damn near perfect, I love you, I have always loved you and even the part that you feel is too broken to love, I have always and will always love.”

Bellamy’s eyes close, soaking in her words. Caring for people is something that comes natural to Bellamy, he knows there was something more that prompted him caring about Clarke. Picking her up from the airport, sending her funny texts or memes during random times of the day just to make her smile, cancelling plans because she isn’t feeling well so he stays with her, holding her while she cried, he did those things with no expectations, but he was shocked when she did this and more for him too.

In his lowest moments Clarke knew what to say to him, she was always there, and she never let himself talk badly about himself, her reassuring words just whirled a flood of gratitude inside of him “I’m so lucky that I get to love you”

“I’m lucky I get to love you too” she says with a smile and he dips his head kissing her.

~~~~~~

Through the window of her jeep Clarke and Bellamy peak through to see if people are still lurking around but from the reassuring texts he got from Bellamy and Octavia telling him that people cleared out seems they were right. It’s pretty late in the night so it’s not really a surprise. Bellamy texted Kane and asked if could give them some space tonight so they can figure things to which he obliged and is spending the night at his girlfriends house.

They walk into the house, Bellamy’s sleeves are rolled up, tie loosened and Clarke has his jacket on, drowning her.

The only light is creeping in from the little opening in the kitchen. The air feels heavy and charged, there has been nothing but silence for the past hour which is making Bellamy nervous. Bellamy locks the door behind them while Clarke stands awkwardly in the middle of the living room. “Are you having regrets” Bellamy asks in almost a whisper. His heart beats erratically in his chest, maybe the excitement is wearing off, maybe she realizes that she made a mistake, maybe the consequences are too much to bare.

“You’re spinning” she says with a light chuckle. He can make out her face through the dim lights, she strides towards him and he takes her in as his chest rises and falls with a sigh “What are you thinking of Bellamy Blake” she wraps her arms around his waist gazing up at him with a slightly raised brow.

“That maybe you’re realizing you made a mistake” he says flatly. Bellamy has always been Mr confident, he can smirk his way anything but right now, he has never felt more vulnerable.

“I have always found effortless Joy with you Bell…” she shakes her head softly with a smile like she can’t believe he is real, his heart stammers at her gaze. He feels so lucky to be looked at like he hung the sun “And that hasn’t changed. You are who I’m supposed to be with, so no, how can I think it’s a mistake when I get to love you.”

He searches her eyes, the words she just said seeping inside his skin and making a home in his heart “I love you”

She smiles tiptoeing and he dips his head slightly “And I love you”

~~~~~~~~

“I’ve always dreamt of this you know?” Bellamy says taking a whiff of the morning air. Clarke’s head is resting on his shoulder her arm hooked to his as they sit on the stoop of their new home gazing at the sunrise.

“What…you’ve always dreamt of us sitting on our stoop watching the sunrise together?” she asks softly.

“Yeah” He says with a light chuckle shifting his weight so he’s facing her, she holds on to him tilting her head facing him their eyes piercing into each other. “That and a million other things for the rest of my life... I’ve always wanted this, us sitting here, waking up next to you for the rest of my life... eating with you, lighting up the candles and dancing in our living room... ours. I am yours for the rest of my life,” He says cupping her face.

Clarke brings her hand to his holding on to it as it still cups her face, the other resting on his knee. “And I am yours for the rest of mine. You Bellamy Blake, my superstar, have always been the person I wanted forever with” she smiles. This look of pure adoration always makes his kneels buckle, and hi entire body tingle with unmistakable gratitude, how lucky was he to be looked at like that by the love of his life.

Things weren’t as hard as they thought they would be the day after Clarke ditched Cillian. As embarrassed as he was, Clarke found relief that Cillian had his own doubts about them. He and everyone else saw what Bellamy and Clarke ran away from. It took a minute for him to forgive her, but he did eventually.

But Bellamy and Clarke didn’t hide their love, they savored every moment they got be together. Six months later Bellamy was proposing to his soulmate. When she came into his apartment batting her eyelashes telling him that her favorite was being shown in the cinema for the first time in years and that she understands they’ve watched a dozen times she still wanted to get dressed up and watch it on the big screen with him like they did years ago. Of course Bellamy said yes, he planned the whole damn thing thanks to Octavia’s friend Diyoza – who runs the movie theatre.

Bellamy had their friend Gaia casually mentioned it at work and Bellamy knew Clarke wouldn’t resist it. He was a nervous wreck; he had been for months. He knew he wanted to marry her for over a decade and having to wait a few months until everything else died down was turning his stomach in knots. He knew she would say yes but it didn’t stop the nerves from drowning him.

After the credits for Love, Rosie rolled and everyone was leaving Bellamy leaned in and told her they were showing some never-before-seen footage, a light burned in her eyes that made him smile. Once everyone cleared out, a video started playing, he wanted everything to be perfect, so he had his friend Raven who is a digital creator create this collage for him, showcasing pictures from when they met, he is grateful Jack Griffin took it upon himself to take a few photos of them the first day they met, and he continued to do so as they grew. He searched for photos and videos from Kane and all the different parents and friends back in Arkadia.

Tears were streaming down her face as their lives played out on scream, showcasing just how close and blind they were to not have realized that they were meant to be. As the video finished Clarke turned to Bellamy clutching her chest in awe of what she just watched, Bellamy pulled out the little black box from his coat and went down on one knee, he remembers Clarke gasping as she stood tears falling down her face, the lighting Diyoza and Octavia set up for them created a beautiful ambiance and he could make out every feature of hers.

He gazed up at her, trying to chock down his own tears, her face grew song as she stared down at him “Clarke Griffin, there are no words that will ever be enough to describe just how much you mean to me or how much I love you. You are the woman carved on the edge of the earth and written in the stars for me, I will always love you in this life and the next, so for the rest of my life and yours…Will you marry me?”

Her smile reached her eyes as she nodded “Yes, in this life and the next yes” she cries.

Bellamy can’t explain the euphoria that surged through his veins that day as he slipped the ring on her finger, his lips on hers.

Bellamy smiles at the fond memory, he dips his head, his eyes sweeping his wife’s face as he brushes his lips against hers and she deepens the kiss, then she pulls back ever so slightly kissing the scar on his lip then his cheek. “Come on, your daughter will be awake soon let’s get some more sleep while we can” she smiles standing and holding out her hand and he takes it.

They walk into their house hand in hand accompanied by love and security and the reality that they will be spending the rest of their lives together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Let me know what you think in the comments.  
> kudos and comments are highly appreciated.
> 
> [Thanks beta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Excuseyouclarke/works?fandom_id=1635478)
> 
> Find me on here [Tumblr](http://luminouswriter.tumblr.com)
> 
> Also me and a tone of other amazing writers are accepting prompts to help the BLM movement find the details here [Check out carrd here](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co)


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